


This Feels Like Falling in Love

by fenway_cp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Background Relationships, Bicurious Harry, Bisexual Harry, Christmas Fluff, Drarry, Drarry 8th Year, Drinking, Drunkenness, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Draco Malfoy, Happy Ending, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter Friendship, Hermione Granger is the only smart one, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Harry, Parental Abuse, Pining, Romantic Fluff, Ron/Hermione - Freeform, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Draco Malfoy, Slow Burn, This Feels Like falling in Love, Verbal Abuse, forgot to add:, i have 11 pages of notes and ideas for this, im so sorry, lucius malfoy is a dick, oblivious boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28060299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenway_cp/pseuds/fenway_cp
Summary: Drarry 8th year where they have to share a common room and quickly become friends or maybe something more ;)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	1. Back at Hogwarts

**Author's Note:**

> HI! This work is very much ongoing but I have a lot of hope for it! I should, considering the 11 pages of notes and plot points I have for it :D
> 
> Happy reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 1 :D

Harry was on the train again. 

Hogwarts had given the seventh years another chance for their NEWTS, but they had to take the year over again. He was sitting with Ron and Hermione, but no one was talking. They all knew that the school year would be stressful and sad. Walking off the train onto the Hogwarts ground was a painful thing to do. 

Harry took his first step into the school that he had called home so many times. Letting out a breath he walked into the Great Hall with the rest of the eighth year students. 

He sat down at the Gryffindor table, which had been enlarged due to the new situation, and watched the sorting. 

Harry looked around the Great Hall as the food appeared on the tables. His eye caught on the Slytherin table. Not many of them had come back. But the one person he had not wanted to see had. Draco Malfoy sat at the Slytherin table eating slowly. Like everyone else in the room. 

Harry was startled by the new headmasters’ voice booming over the crowd. Harry hadn’t bothered to learn his name.

“Hello, students of new and old! We have one more announcement for today.” The headmaster said. “The eighth year students will not be in their old dorms as there is not enough space.” A collective murmur grew from the four tables.

“I know, this is not practical, but we have two rather large rooms for the eighth year students to stay in. We have made common rooms and bedrooms in these empty towers for the groups.”

A voice from one of the four tables spoke up. “If there are four houses and two rooms, what are we gonna do?”  
The headmaster laughed. “Patience young one. I was getting there. The houses will have to merge. We have arranged for Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff to be together and Gryffindor and Slytherin to room together!”

The crowd groaned and complained. Harry looked across the room to Draco. They locked eyes and joined the complaining.

The headmaster silenced everyone and told them that was final. Everyone continued eating.

____________________

Harry burst into the makeshift common room with Draco at his heels.

“Listen, Potter, We don’t talk to each other, don’t look at each other. Okay? I don’t want to deal with this right now.” Draco said angrily.

Harry turned to face Draco. Their faces inches away. 

“Then what are you still doing here?” Harry said.

Draco turned on his heels and went into the boys’ dorms.

A few days passed with no problems and the two boys started to forget why they were constantly mad. They had been fine with each other. Even liked it.

Harry stopped caring about living with Draco and the other Slytherins and started to focus on school for once.

____________________

After the first week of living together, the two wizards started noticing things about each other.

Harry noticed how hard Draco worked to get good grades and how stressed he got when there was an assignment due soon.

Draco noticed how Harry rarely studied during the day, he instead stayed up late in the common room and studied alone. Harry was always tired after those nights, even if he didn’t show it.

Draco notices a pattern with Harry's studying and starts bringing him snacks and sometimes helping him out.

He had no idea why he had started helping Harry. Just days ago he was arguing with him. The truth is, he had gotten used to living with Harry already. He was starting to like it.

Or maybe he liked Harry. 

No. That couldn’t happen! It's Harry Potter. That's just...insane. Right?

____________________

Harry sighed and grabbed his Defense Against Dark Arts book and scroll. He dipped his quill in the ink and hovered the tip of it over the paper. 

A thought came to mind and he placed his quill on the paper to write. A noise startled him, the quill ran across the page as Harry turned. Draco stood across the common room.

“Oh, Potter. Hello.” Draco said calmly.

“What are you doing down here?” Harry retorted.

Draco sat down in one of the plush lounge chairs. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Harry glared back at Draco and grabbed a new piece of parchment, his old one ruined by the large blotted line.

Harry started to write the statement that had been in his head before Draco had very rudely interrupted him.

Harry continued writing with Draco leaning over his shoulder. Harry stopped writing and turned to face Draco, their faces just inches apart. Draco swallowed and glared into Harry’s bright green eyes. Harry gave Draco a small smile and pushed back. Draco let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. 

“So,” Harry said loudly. “What treats have you brought me today?” Harry turned to look at Draco again and smiled. 

Draco, instead of smiling back like he wanted to, glared at Harry. He threw a bag of snacks at his head. Harry pulled out his wand quickly, stopping the bag mid-air. He brought it towards him with his wand and grabbed it, throwing it open. 

“When did you get all of this stuff?” Harry said rooting through the bag.

“A few weeks ago,” Draco shrugged. “I didn’t like most of it, so it’s for you now.”

Harry looked up and smiled. “Thanks, Malfoy.”

Draco smiled and sat in the chair across from him. Setting down his books he asked Harry, “Why do you study so late?”

Harry stops and looks up at Draco. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out.

“Oh, it’s fine. You don’t have to tell me.” Draco tells Harry, his voice just over a whisper.

They sit in silence for a while, looking up occasionally to acknowledge the other, then getting back to their work. 

Except Harry doesn’t get anything done. He wants to tell Draco why he studies so late, he just can’t find the right words.

“I don’t know.” Harry blurted.

Draco looked up from his paper. “You don’t know what, Potter? Be more specific.”

“I think it's because people don’t expect me to.” Harry sighed. “People think just because I’m the freaking ‘boy who lived’ I don’t have to study. It's absurd!”

“Ah, the studying thing,” Draco said.

Harry looked up, the anger was gone from his expression. “Why are you studying this late?” He asked Draco.

Draco took his time thinking and thinking. He looked at Harry and said: “Why not.”

Harry let out a soft chuckle. “Good question.” He mumbled.  
They went on studying like normal until they were both too tired to study anymore.

____________________

The next few weeks Draco and Harry started studying with each other almost every night.

Harry found himself looking forward to the time he was spending with Draco. Studying alone was boring, and even if they didn’t talk much, Harry felt having Draco there was comforting.

Every Friday night, Draco would bring down snacks with him while they studied. Harry would grab blankets and they would sit together on one of the common room couches and study.

Harry knew Draco Malfoy was an ‘enemy’ of his, but he found the boy's company relaxing. Maybe he likes hanging out with Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


	2. Late Night Studying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading!! Hope you enjoy it!

“Bloody hell, this school is freezing!” Draco exclaimed, wrapping himself tighter in his blanket.

“I know, it’s only November, this weather is stupid!” Harry said, letting his eyes scan across the room. “We could move to the fireplace?” Harry suggested.

Draco glared over at Harry but finally gave in. “Yeah, whatever. As long as it's warmer.” 

Harry gave a small smile and picked up his books to move. Draco followed behind him and plopped down onto the couch. 

Harry sat next to Draco, so close their arms were touching. 

Draco tensed and went back to work, asking the occasional question here and there. 

When Draco felt something heavy fall onto his shoulder he jumped slightly. Turning his head to look at what had dropped, he found a sleeping Harry Potter. 

Harry had fallen asleep and dropped his head onto Draco's shoulder. Draco shifted slightly to be more comfortable and went back to studying, leaving the boy asleep on his shoulder. 

After a few minutes of listening to Harry's soft snores, Draco lays his head back too. 

He pulls a blanket over them and lays his head on top of Harry's. 

____________________

Hermione was walking down to the common room early the next morning so she could get to class early. What she didn't expect to see was the two arch-enemies of Gryffindor and Slytherin sleeping together on the common room couch.

Hermione blinked once, recovered from the shock, and strode over to the couch. She placed a hand on Harry's shoulder and shook him awake. 

Harry jumped at the touch. He saw who was next to him and sighed. Looking back at Hermione, he gave her a troubled look.

“Please keep this a secret.” He said softly, careful not to wake Draco up.

Hermione nodded and walked out of the common room. 

Harry shook Draco’s shoulder gently. Draco pushed Harry's hand away and sat up rubbing his eyes.

When his vision adjusted and he realized what had happened, he jumped off the couch.

Harry laughed. “Good morning, Malfoy.”

Draco gave a fake smile and made his way back to his room to change.

Harry sighed and made his way up to change too. Once that was done, he headed to class with Hermione.

“What happened between you two? I thought you hated each other?” 

Harry dropped his head and stared at his feet. “I'm not sure ‘Mione. We just study together. I guess I just fell asleep.”

She stopped walking and glared at Harry. 

Harry stopped and turned to look at her. 

“And he fell asleep with you?” 

“I guess so.” Harry turned back around and continued walking back to class.

Harry gets to his class and sits next to Ron. Draco walks in a few minutes later.

The two boys glanced at each other and quickly turned away.

They went the whole day avoiding each other. Harry stuck with Ron and Hermione, using them as shields while Draco sulked around the school with Pansy and Blaise.

___________________

That night was a night when Harry would usually study. Draco walked down to the common room and waited for Harry. After an hour of waiting, he realized Harry wouldn’t be studying with him tonight.

He wouldn't show up to classes either. 

“He must hate me” Draco muttered to himself.

Draco ran to the Slytherin side of the dorms and pounced into Pansy, Blaise’s, and his enclosed room.

“Help me!” Draco groaned, plopping himself down on Pansy’s bed.

Pansy moved away, pushing Draco to the floor. Blaise stood and sat down with the other two. 

“Potter again?” Blaise asked.

Draco huffed and nodded.

Pansy sighed. “You have to fix this Draco. You can't keep moping forever.” 

“We were just getting along! Friends even!” Draco grumbled. “He just disappeared! I drove him away.”

Draco's head dropped into his hands and Blaise placed a comforting hand on his back. Pansy stood and moved to crouch in front of Draco. 

“Draco. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault that Potter is scared of whatever happened. He's an idiot not to see how great you truly are.”

Draco let out a small laugh and lifted his head. “Wow, how very sentimental of you, Pans.”

Blaise snorted from where he was sitting, causing a pillow to fly into his face. Draco followed suit and threw a pillow at Pansy. The three continued this, leading to a full-on pillow fight.

Once this was over, Draco lied down and thought about the conversation he had earlier had with his friends. 

Maybe he didn't do anything. Maybe Harry is nervous... or something.

___________________

Oh yes, Harry was nervous. He was panicked and shaky, but he couldn’t figure out why.

But that was a lie. He knew exactly why he was like this; Draco Malfoy had fallen asleep on his shoulder.

All Harry could think about was Draco's face is the firelight, the shape of his sharp, but soft jawline, his eyelashes brushing against his soft pale cheek, his platinum blonde hair swooping around his ears. Just thinking about the boy made Harry flush. What the bloody hell was wrong with him?

___________________

Harry started skipping classes to avoid Draco. But when he fell behind, his friends were there to help.

“Why are you missing classes, Harry?” Hermione asked one afternoon while reviewing notes.

Harry looked up from the notes he was copying and shook his head. “I don't know, ‘Moine. Just haven't been feeling up for it I guess.”

Hermione sighed and went back to her work.

Ron walked in a few minutes later. “Hey, Hermione, have you seen-” He looked up, seeing Harry, and paused. “Oh. Er, Hey, Harry. Catching up on missed work?” Ron said, forcing a smile.

Harry nodded his response and continued working. The two boys hadn’t talked in a while. Harry didn't know why, but he made no move to fix the situation.

“Well, then,” Ron said. “I’ll be off.” He turned and made his way back up to the boy’s dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment or leave kudos if you want more!!


	3. Apologies and Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect anyone to read this, I was posting it for fun, but seeing the hits and kudos made my day!! Thank you so much!!

Harry was tired. Hermoines notes, as neat as they were, made no sense without the actual lesson to go with it. Hermione tried her best to explain it all, but the words on the paper looked like a different language.

Harry hunched over, burying his head in his arms and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath in and let out a long, sad sigh.

Hearing footsteps coming towards him, Harry lifted his head. Draco was in front of him. His eyes trailed up Draco’s socked feet, to his plaid pajama pants, to his tight fitted white t-shirt, and stopped at his shining blue eyes. Draco was frozen, staring back at Harry. Slowly, Draco turned back around and went to his room.

Harry sighed and dropped his head back down into his arms.  _ Shit _ . He thought.  _ I messed up big. _

When he heard footsteps for the second time he didn’t bother looking up. When the couch dipped down next to him he ignored it. And when he felt a cold hand on his back he stayed still.

“Potter?” He heard Draco say softly.

At this, Harry turned his head in his arms to look at Draco. He peeked at him through the hair that covered his face.

“Harry, I’m sorry,” Draco whispered.

Harry picked his head up and turned to face Draco fully. 

“Why are you sorry?”

Draco's head dips down and he avoids Harry’s eyes.

“Well,” he begins. “For everything. I was a dick to you for the past seven years and I wish I could take everything back. But I can’t. I don’t deserve your friendship.”

Harry's mouth drops. He wasn’t even mad about this, yet Draco felt so much guilt and pain.

“Mal-” Harry starts but is cut off quickly.

“I understand if you don't want to study together anymore. I’m sure Hermionie is better anyway.”

Harry shakes his head. “Malfoy, I’m not mad at you for any of that. It’s all in the past.” He reaches out and places a hand on Draco’s knee. “Draco. Listen. I should be apologizing. I’ve been avoiding you for selfish reasons. I was scared you would hate me after what happened that night in the common room. I’m sorry.”

Draco looked down at the hand on his knee. He lifted his eyes to look at the other boy. Harry was already staring at him, his eyes wide with fear. Draco noticed the tears streaking down his cheeks and the slight redness in his eyes. He placed his hand on top of Harry's hand.

“I don't hate you. I don't think I ever have.” 

Harry’s eyes widen even more, then quickly soften. He smiles and lets out a small laugh.

“Friends?” he asks.

“Friends,” Draco responds.

The boys go back to their work, Draco helping Harry understand the pages of notes that Hermione had given him. It was nice, just sitting there with Draco. He was glad they had talked.

Harry had never expected this, but it was nice being Draco’s friend. 

___________________

The closer it got to Christmas, the closer Harry and Draco became. The boys had started to meet in the shared common room and walk to their classes together, chatting all the while. Hermione and Ron didn't seem to mind, but then again they haven’t talked to Harry in a while. Hermione hasn’t talked to him since she helped him study, and if they did talk it was about school only.

One morning, as Harry and Draco were walking to potions class, Hermione rushed up next to Harry and tugged on his arm.

“Hey, ‘Mione, what's wrong,” Harry questioned.

“Harry, you idiot, come with me. Now.”

As Hermione pulled Harry away he looked back at Draco and shrugged an apology. Draco waved him off and kept walking to class.

Hermione shoved Harry down a corridor and slammed him into a wall. 

“What is going on with you Harry! You’re friends with Malfoy now! Don’t you remember all the shit he’s done?!” Hemione whispered screams.

Harry puts his hands up and tries to hush Hermione. “‘Mione, what? We made amends, we’re friends, give the guy a chance!” He replies.

“Harry! You’ve completely ignored Ron, Ginny, and me for months! Months, Harry!”

Harry's face drops.  _ Months? No, it can't be. _ He thinks.  _ School started in September. September, October, November… Oh my god, no. It's almost December. _

“Hemione, I’m so sorry,” he said, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“It’s not me you should apologize to. It's Ron and Ginny.” At the mention of Ginny, Harry looks up. “You were dating for God's sake, she doesn't know what to think and Ron is pissed.”

Harry looks back down at his feet. “I’ll talk to Ginny today.” He promises.

“Good. Ron too.” Hermione says, and with that, she leaves Harry in the hallway alone. 

Harry pressed his back to the wall and sank. He wrapped his arms around his knees and put his head down. He sat there for God knows how long before someone ran into him.

“Erm, Harry? Is that you?” A small voice said from above him.

He lifted his head and saw a short boy in a Gryffindor robe. Must be a second year.

Harry stood and apologized for being in the way before leaving the hallway.

“Harry, wait.” The young boy called after him.

Harry stopped and waited for the next sentence.

“Are you okay? You looked to be crying,” he said carefully.

Harry lifted a hand to his face and felt the wet streaks of tears he hadn’t known were falling. He wiped them away with his sleeve and turned towards the second year.

“I’m fine. Please forget about this.” He plastered on a fake smile and walked back to the 8th year common room.

Ron was sitting in a lounge chair by the fire when he got there. Ginny was on the couch wrapped in a blanket. Their conversation stopped when Harry walked in.

Harry walked down the small stairs to the common room and made his way towards the siblings.

“Hey,” he said, giving a small wave to Ron. “Ginny, can I talk to you for a second?” 

Ginny looked at Ron, who nodded, and then got up. Harry led them outside the 8th year room and into a hallway.

“Hey, Ginny, I’m so sorry that we haven’t talked.” Harry started. “I guess I didn't know what to say to you.”

“You've had plenty to say to Malfoy.” she bites back.

Harry was taken aback by that response but gathers himself quickly.

“Ginny I-”

“No, Harry. It's okay. I don't care. We’re done, whatever. I just wished you hadn't ghosted me.”

“Ginny I never meant to,”

“Harry, there was a war! A war! My brother died in this school! You haven't even thought about it! You haven't even checked on me! Harry, I was depressed! Ron was the only one there for me! I don't want you, Harry. I know now that I deserve better!” Ginny screamed.

“Ginny, I’m sorry! I love you!” Harry yelled back at her.

“No, Harry. You don't.” She ended calmly, walking back to the common room to sit with Ron.

Harry found himself with his back to the wall again, sinking and crying for the second time that day.

___________________

Draco was walking back to the common rooms after class, wondering where Harry had gone after his talk with Hermione.

He was close to the common room when he heard yelling.

“Ron was the only one there for me! I don't want you, Harry. I know now that I deserve better!”

“Ginny, I’m sorry! I love you!” It was from Harry.

“No, Harry. You don't.”

Draco heard Ginny walk away and then header a sob from down the hallway. He moved to check and sure enough, Harry was there, back against the wall, head in hands, sobbing.

Draco thought about what he had heard.  _ I love you. _ Harry loved Ginny. A sharp pain ripped through Draco's chest at the thought.

He turned around and walked away.

___________________

Harry cried for hours on end. No one came to ask him if he was okay.

After a while, he got up. He walked aimlessly around the castle. Looking around the rooms. He found himself looking for Malfoy.

_ Why him? _ Harry though.  _ He was partially the cause of this. _

Harry continued his search despite these thoughts. Eventually, he landed in the library. He sat at a table in the back corner and put his head down. He stayed there, silent tears tracing his cheeks. The hushed sounds of the library calmed him. The rustling of feet walking on the carpeted floor, the whisper of pages turning, the scratch of quills on parchment, and the clink of them being dipped in ink. Harry listened to the soft noises and focused on his breathing. Once he was calmed down, he switched his focus to the sounds around him. The footsteps he heard began to grow louder. Closer and closer. Then they stopped. A chair was pulled out and someone sat.

Hary picked up his head slightly and peeked out to see who it was, silently wishing Draco had found him.

But he was disappointed when it was Ron sitting across from him.

Harry righted his posture, looking across the table at his friend.

“Ron, I’m so sorry for everything.” He said quietly.

Ron nodded slightly but didn't respond. Harry watched Ron cautiously, waiting for his next move. Wishing he would say something, anything.

“Okay,” Ron said simply.

Harry tried to speak again but Ron had already gotten up from the table, leaving Harry alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: I started writing this in 2018, so the first two chapters were written two years ago :D  
> If the writing changes that's why XD
> 
> I don't have a schedule for updating, I'm working on three fics right now, but I'll try to update once or twice a week!!
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Leave comments and kudos if you want more!!! Thank you all so much!!
> 
> (this is also on Wattpad under the name fenwaycp :])


	4. Crying and Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!! Seeing that people read this and like it makes my day and makes me want to write more, so thanks so much!

The common room was dark when Harry got in, the only light source being the fire and one small lamp. He made his way down the small stairs carefully and then went to the couch.

Draco was there, hunched over the table with one arm resting on the surface and holding up his head, buried in his white-blonde hair. The other hand had a quill in it, but there were no words written on his scroll.

Draco didn't look up at Harry, maybe he didn't see him. Harry sat next to him on the small couch, Draco came out of his trance and turned to look at Harry.

Harry's eyes were red and puffy, it was obvious that he had been crying.

Draco’s hand fell from his hair, leaving it a fluffy mess on top of his head. 

“Harry,” Draco said, using his first name. “Are you okay?” He asked in a soft voice.

Harry couldn’t say anything, he turned his head to look down at his hands, hoping Draco would leave him alone, but also wishing he wouldn't.

Draco placed a hand lightly on Harry’s shoulder and asked again, barely above a whisper.

“Are you okay?”

Harry broke. Crying for the third time in less than 24 hours. Draco’s hand lifted from his shoulder in shock. Harry, in a moment of weakness, moves closer to Draco and lays a head on his shoulder.

Hot tears streaked down Harry's face and soaked into the shoulder of Draco’s jumper. His arms floor the movement and wrap around Draco's shoulders, burying himself in the crook of the other boy's neck.

Draco sat there, stunned by this. ‘The Boy Who Lived’, the boy who defeated Voldemort, the strongest person he knew, was crying on his shoulder. Recovering from the shock, Draco wrapped his arms lightly around the crying boy. He rubbed small circles into Harry's back in an attempt to comfort him. Draco's mother had done it to him when he was younger and he hoped the gesture would work with Harry as well.

And it did.

After a few minutes, Harry had stopped crying and his breathing was back to normal. Even after Harry caught his breath, Draco held him in his arms, quietly rubbing his back, one hand now in his hair too. Draco didn't mind the tears staining his shirt, nor did he mind the arms around his shoulders or the forehead rested against his neck, feeling like a perfect fit.

When Harry did pull away, a moment passed between them.

Harry stared into Draco's eyes for a few seconds, watching the fire reflect in the light blue orbs. His own eyes traced Draco's sharp jawline and cheekbones then landed on his lips. They were slightly parted and a soft pink. Harry wondered what they would feel like, What they would taste like. His gaze flicked back up to Draco's eyes, the other boy had a look of wonder on his face. They were inches away from each other, Harry's arms still draped over Draco’s shoulders and Draco’s around Harry's waist.

And then Harry pulled away, using his sleeve to wipe his nose and standing.

He moved closer to the fire, pacing back and forth, his thoughts a mess from the events of the day.

“Harry,” he hears Draco say faintly. “Was it about Ginny?”

Tears pricked back into his eyes and he wiped them away quickly, not wanting to cry again that day.

“Yes.”  _ How did he know? _

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yes- No.” Harry switches between responses and falls back onto the couch.

“I don't know how it got this bad,'' Harry says, his head falling into his hands.

Draco resisted the urge to place his hand on the other boy's back. Before he could answer, Harry began to talk again.

“Ron hates me. Ginny dumped me. Hermione is on their side of things. They were my only real friends and I’ve gone and pushed them away. I just-” Harry took a deep breath, calming himself before continuing.

“I just want my friends back.”

The words pierced through Draco’s heart. Harry's friends have gone and left him because of a girl! A girl who had used the war as an example against Harry. Harry, who had died during that war! Harry, who had lost not only his parents but every parental figure to follow. Harry lost his owl, another one of his best friends, during that same war. Sure, Ginny lost someone she loved too, but it was nothing compared to the pain had Harry felt throughout his whole life. It made Draco feel sick.

“You have me, Harry,” Draco said softly, giving in to his urge and wrapping an arm around Harry’s shoulders.

Harry turned to face Draco. One tear fell down his cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered.

They stayed there for the next few hours, talking about lighter subjects and working on some school work.

Draco's arm never left Harry’s shoulders.

___________________

The next day Harry leaves his room to find Draco there waiting for him. He smiles at that, glad to see that Draco wasn’t lying about being Harry’s friend.

They walk to the dining hall together for breakfast. They sat together as the food appeared in front of them. The boys ate quickly, having a short conversation in between bites.

Leaving the dining hall, they headed to their next class. They were chatting in the halls, smiles on both of their faces.

They heard a sharp laugh from ahead of them. Harry's attention shifted away from Draco and landed on the group of girls standing near the staircase.

Ginny was in the middle of the group, laughing loudly with her head thrown back. Harry looked at her with pain in his eyes. She knew he was there, but ignored him, laughing louder at something one of her friends said.

Harry’s face sinks. Tears threaten to fall down his face. Harry sniffles and speeds up his walk to get away from her. Draco catches up to him and puts a hand on his arm to slow him down. His hands slide down from Harry’s elbow and he grabs the other boy's hand. Harry stalls, looking down at their hands, but he doesn't let go.

They walk the rest of the way to class holding hands. They don't talk, each of them afraid to ruin the moment. The class happened to be Herbology, which meant they had to cross the grounds. They trudged through the snow, wrapped in coats and scarves. Every person they passed whispered to their friends. Draco could feel Harry loosening his grip on Draco's hand with each person that passes.

The whispers only got louder as they got closer to class. Harry could feel everyone's eyes on him. On Draco. On their hands.

His hand goes slack and drops out of Draco’s hold. He walks away without saying anything.

And they don't talk for the rest of the class.

___________________

Harry leaves before Draco has a chance to talk to him.

Having a free period, Draco goes to the library to study. He sets up his books, parchment, ink, and quill across a table in the back. He starts his work confidently, but his energy quickly diminishes. He thinks about Harry's reaction to people seeing them hold hands. 

_ He doesn’t want me. _ Draco thought.

_ But he seemed to like it when it was just the two of us.  _ He argued with himself.

_ He doesn’t want people to know you are friends. _

_ No, Hermione knows. And Ron. _

_ He doesn’t want people to think he likes you. _

_ Does he? Like me I mean? _

_ No.  _

Draco stops his inner dialogue and puts his head down. He stays there, unmoving, fighting with his thoughts. He eventually just fell asleep, not wanting to argue with himself anymore.

A few hours pass and Harry is looking for Draco. He wanted to talk to him, to explain, to apologize.

After a few minutes of searching, he found Draco, asleep in the library. He looked so peaceful, so calm.

_ So beautiful. _

Harry took a minute to stare, but then gently shook the blonde boy awake.

“Draco, hey, you fell asleep in the library,” Harry said softly.

Draco stirred and rubbed a hand across his face.

Harry gathers Draco's things and places them in a bag, slinging it over his shoulder. Then he moved to Draco. He grabbed the boy's hand and helped him up. Draco stumbled, still half asleep, and found himself with an arm wrapped around Harry’s waist. Harry didn't move away from him, just laughed a bit. Harry wraps his free arm around Draco, helping him stand. 

They walk like that to the dorms, Draco's eyes closed and his head falls against Harry's shoulder. Harry led the half-asleep boy to his bed in the Slytherin wing.

He helped Draco to bed and pulled the blankets over him. Draco cuddles into the warm bed and mutters something that sounds like “Thank you, Potter.” but Harry wasn’t sure.

He stayed for a second, wishing he could climb into the bed next to the other boy and cuddle with him. Draco's bed looked warm and inviting. Draco himself looked peaceful, his face held a soft expression, his hair messy and covering his eyes.

Harry reached over and moved the hair away from the other boy's face. Draco leaned into the touch. Harry let his hand linger, then leaned down and placed a light kiss to the top of Draco’s head, inhaling his scent. He smelled of citrus and mint, with a slight scent of cologne. 

Harry backed away slowly, wishing he could stay. He made his way back to his room and fell asleep in his own bed, dreaming of Draco and the scent of his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Draco is taller than Harry but were gonna switch it for this because that's how I see them :)
> 
> Please leave kudos or comments if you liked it and want more!  
> As it happens, the next chapter plan is Christmas, so I'll try to post around the 24th/25th! See you guys then!
> 
> -This is also posted on Wattpad under the user fenwaycp if anyone prefers to read on there :D


	5. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!!!!  
> This is an extra long chapter, almost 3,500 words! it was a 10-page doc :D  
> We've got some Draco POV in this one as well 
> 
> TW/CW: Parental abuse, it is warned before the part in the chapter
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!!

The end of December was nearing, which meant the young witches and wizards at Hogwarts were leaving for the holidays. 

Harry never liked the holidays before he came to Hogwarts, being raised by the Dursleys would do that to you. Everything was all about Dudley, Harry was lucky if he got a “Merry Christmas” at all. So when he heard that you could stay at Hogwarts during the holidays in his first year, he was ecstatic. Overwhelmed with joy. That first Christmas away from the Dursleys was the first time he had gotten real presents. The first time he had real friends to share the holiday with.

So he signed the sheet saying he would stay, right underneath Ron and Hermione’s names. He hoped to talk to them over the break. He wanted to make sure they were all still friends. So he went out to Hogsmeade and got them both a few gifts, even though Christmas wasn't for another week.

The sky was a soft shade of pink now, the sun setting behind the clouds. He had shopped around, looking for the perfect gifts for two hours. He had also found a few things for the rest of the Weasleys and some for his other friends. 

He popped his head into a shop, Dervish and Banges, and poked around. He spotted a dark green scarf in the back corner. The color reminded him of Draco, his house colors being green and silver. He picked up the scarf but continued looking. He passed a few more green items of clothing, but nothing screamed “Draco Malfoy”.

Then Harry walked by a blue-silver jumper. He stopped and picked it up. It was soft, made of wool.

_ The color would bring out his eyes… _

Harry replaced the scarf and bought the jumper, hoping Draco would like it.

Once he was back in the castle, he started wrapping his gifts. He had bought wrapping paper and gift bags from the shops he had gone to.

A few sweets from Honeydukes for Ron. A couple of teas for Hermione and a long mahogany feathered quill. He got a few other items wrapped; some for Neville, Dean, Seamus, and the Wesley family. He placed the gifts under his bed, for now, planning to send them out on Christmas eve using a few of the school owls.

Then he pulls out the jumper for Draco. Using dark green wrapping paper he carefully wraps the sweater, placing it in a Christmas-themed bag and putting it on top of his bed, not wanting it to get squished in with the others.

Harry leaves his room once the present wrapping is done and heads to the dining hall for dinner. On his way, he passes the sign-up sheet to stay for the holidays. Out of curiosity, he scans the names on the sheet.

…

Draco's name wasn't there.

…

_ Did he forget to sign? _

…

_ Is he going home? _

…

_ Is he leaving me? _

…

Harry’s heart shatters. He would be with Draco on Christmas morning. He wouldn’t get to spend time with him over the break. He wouldn’t get to cuddle up by the fire with him. He wouldn’t-

His thoughts get cut off by a tap on the shoulder. A younger student was asking him to move so they could sign the paper. Harry mutters an apology and slides over, walking slowly back to the dorms, forgetting about dinner.

___________________

Draco was debating if he should stay for the Holidays. Pansy and Blaise were going home. He could stay with Harry, but it didn't feel… appropriate to involve himself in Christmas along with Ron and Hermione. 

Plus, his mother had sent him a letter asking him to come home. She said there was a surprise waiting for him at home.

Even though that place didn't feel like home.

But Draco didn’t want to make his mother upset. He didn't want to intrude on Harry's Christmas with his friends. So he left. 

On December 19th, he was gone.

Harry was sad, to say the least. He missed Draco immediately. 

_ Why? _ He asked himself constantly.  _ Why do I miss him? _

Hermione did her best to keep Harry’s mind off of it, knowing that he was upset for that reason. Ron thought it was because of Ginny - even though it wasn't, bringing it up didn't help his mood.

“Harry, I’m sorry about my sister. She could’ve been nicer to you.” He would say, whenever Harry seemed upset. “We’re still friends though! She has her own life anyway.”

Knowing Ron wasn’t mad at him did help, he had his friends back. Still, he longed for Draco. Wished to feel his touch while they sat together on the couch.

_ Why do I feel like this? _

Christmas morning was filled with fake smiles and forced laughs. He was given a red jumper with the letter H on it from Ron’s mum, a spellbook, and a marbled quill from Hermione, and assorted candies from Ron. He opened a few other items, thanking the people who had gifted them to him.

The whole day he imagined Draco's reaction to the sweater he had flown over to him the night before.

___________________  **CW: parental abuse - verbal**

Draco was ‘home’. His mother greeted him at the door with a soft smile on her lips, her eyes told a different story.

Draco knew that look.

It was the look she gave him before something bad happened. Something that usually had to do with his father.

Draco was hesitant to step inside, but he followed his mother's quiet footsteps into the great hall. 

His head lifted and sure enough, there stood his father. Dressed in black robes and standing at the top of the stairs like a tyrant.

“Draco,” he said, coldly.

“Father,” Draco replied in the same tone.

Lucius made his way down the elegant staircase. Draco wished he would trip.

When his father reached the floor, he used his wand cane to lift Draco’s chin. He turned his son's head to the sides and dropped it harshly.

“I’ve been told you and Potter have become rather close.” his father said, his voice laced with disdain.

_ Damn Slytherins. _ Draco thought.

“We have become friends, I suppose,” he replied calmly. He watched his mother wince from the corner of his eye.

His father turned quickly and raised his want to Draco's chest.

_ That was the wrong answer, I guess. _

His father moved a step closer. Draco could tell what words were going to come from his mouth.

“Imperio.”

Draco instantly froze. His memories with Harry flashed through his mind faster than he could recall them. He fought against the spell, but when he landed on a memory of Harry asleep on his shoulder his focus broke. His father took full control. 

Luckily, his mother was there. 

“Lucius, stop this. It’s Christmas. Just leave the boy alone.” She pleaded with her husband. 

Draco used her words to refocus, forcing himself to think of his mother instead of the boy he been living with for the past four months.

It worked. His father released his son from the spell. Draco’s knees buckled and he dropped to the ground, barely catching himself. Once his father had left, his mother helped him and grabbed his bags, leading him to his room.

The room was plain, with grey bed sheets and a wooden desk in the corner. No pictures, no posters. No memories.

Draco hated it.

___________________

The next few days passed fairly quickly. Christmas morning came and went, his mother bringing a gift up to his room. Claiming his father felt sick and didn't want to gather for presents. 

She had given him a new quill and a stack of letters. A note pinned to it saying “stay in touch”.

He smiled at the gift and thanked his mother. Once she left, Draco was left alone to think. He wondered what Harry was doing. If he was smiling at his friends and laughing that great big laugh with them. He hoped Harry was happy.

Draco was about to fall asleep when he heard a knock. He sat up and gazed at the door, but there was no movement. The knock came again, this time Draco looked at the window. There was a large owl outside, waiting to be let in. Attached to its leg were a bag and a letter.

Draco sat up and opened his window, allowing the owl in. He ran a hand down its head as it settled down and worked on detaching the bag from its leg.

Once he had freed it, the owl took off again. Draco wished he could follow. He closed his window, stopping any more cold air from entering, and moved to his bed with the package.

The bag was Christmas themed, so it must be a present. He opened the note first.

_ Draco, _

_ Merry Christmas! I hope this has gotten to you on time. _

_ Thank you for everything this year. I’m glad that we cleared things up and I get to be your friend. I hope you enjoy the gift and have a good time back home. _

_ Harry. _

_ P.s. I think this will match your eyes rather well. _

The note was short, the end of it rushed nervously, but Draco felt himself smiling. Harry had thought of him, he had gotten him a present.

Draco reached into the bag and pulled out a poorly wrapped gift, although he could tell it was wrapped with care.

Slowly ripping the tape, Draco revealed the gift.

The silver-blue jumper was soft as he rubbed his hand over it, knitted with patterns of snowflakes. He slid it on over his current T-shirt and glanced at himself in the reflection of the small mirror mounted above the desk.

The color made his eyes shine.

He gripped the sides of the jumper and buried his face into the neckline. It smelled faintly of Harry. He took a deep breath, trying to commit the scent to memory.

He pulled the jumper off quickly though, hearing footsteps coming up the stairs. He shoved the jumper in its bag and hid any evidence of Christmas gifts.

His father opened the door.

“Come down for dinner,” he said harshly.

“Yes, father.” 

He left, leaving the door open. Draco reached under his bed and took out the jumper. He re-folded it carefully and placed it gently in the bag, sliding it back into its hiding spot. He grabbed a different jumper, a plain black one, and made his way downstairs.

He sat quietly in his seat at the long dining table. His mother and father sat at either end. The table was already set, silver dishes covered the length of it, waiting to be opened and eaten.

Draco didn't move a muscle, waiting for his father to say something. 

It was minutes before anyone moved. No words were spoken, but Draco's father reached for a platter and filled his plate. Then his mother filled hers. Draco cautiously took some food for himself, careful to leave extra incase his father wanted seconds. They ate in cold silence, the only sound being the clinking of silverware on plates. 

Draco hated it.

He thought of his meals at Hogwarts with Harry, always chatting in between bites, smiling and laughing during the meals. He thought about how much he missed it. He thought about the present he had received.

He hadn’t gotten anything for Harry, maybe he should go shopping later. After this dreadful meal.

He was broken from his thoughts by a voice. 

“Draco.” his father's voice boomed over the silence.

“Yes, father?” Draco said cautiously.

“I do not approve of your new,” Lucius paused, looking for the word. “Lifestyle.”

Draco cringed inwardly.  _ Lifestyle? What? Being a good person? _

He stayed silent, waiting for more.

“That mark on your arm shows the kind of man you were meant to be. You are a disgrace to what it stands for. You are a disgrace to me.”

Draco gripped his forearm, remembering the snake and skull that was forged there, never to leave. He hated it.

“If you continue on this path,” His father said coldly. “I do not want you back in my home. You have strayed from the family. I will not tolerate it.”

Draco was frozen. He swallowed slowly.

“Yes, father. I understand,” Draco hesitated, wanting to say more but he refrained and shut his mouth.

_ I won’t be coming back then. _

He risked a glance towards his mother, her expression was blank, but her eyes were full of pain, a tear rolled down her cheek.

_ I’ll miss you. _ He thought, aimed towards his mum.  _ But I can’t be around him anymore. I’m sorry. _

He wanted to say all of these things out loud, but he knew if he did his father would get angry, and going back to Hogwarts wouldn’t be an option. So he shut up.

He finished his food. 

He waited to be excused. 

He packed his things.

He took out the gift his mother had given him.  _ She must have known. _ He wrote an apology, promising to stay in touch with her, but saying he wouldn’t be back here. Ever. 

He left without saying goodbye.

___________________

Draco wandered around for a while, not knowing where to go or what to do. He had been banished from his own home, a disgrace to his father.

Silent tears fell down his face and froze on his cheeks. He ignored them. He found himself traveling to Hogsmeade using apparition. He shook out his arms after traveling in the strange, magical way. 

He grabbed a Butterbeer from The Three Broomsticks, warming himself after the cold trip to his childhood home. The shop wasn't too crowded, it being a holiday and all. Draco was comfortable listening to the chatter around him. A much-needed change of scenery.

Once he was done with his drink, he went into the other stores, looking for something that Harry would like. He walked around Dervish and Banges, recognizing that Harry must have shopped here as well. In the back of the shop, he spotted a hooded sweater. It was a merlot red color, deep and beautiful.

Draco lifted it off the shelf, finding one in Harry’s size. He brought it to the counter and paid, having it gift wrapped by the store. It wasn’t as thoughtful as Harry’s hand wrapped gift, but he didn't have time to wrap it himself.

As he walked towards the Hogwarts castle, he was filled with nerves. His stomach was a mess of knots and he felt his throat closing up.

_ Why am I nervous? I’m going back to school. It’s just school. Not like I’m back here to see my past enemy, now friend, and give him a Christmas present. No, just back at school. _

He tried to convince himself that everything was fine and normal, but that didn’t work very well. He listened to his breathing as he walked, counting his breaths.

“Draco?”

The boy lifted his head as his name was called. It was Harry, covered in snow from head to toe, standing next to a poorly built snowman. Ron and Hermione stood a few feet away from him.

Ron glanced at Hermione and whispered to her. Hermione shook him away and smiled at Harry, motioning for him to go. She pulled Ron away, kicking snow at him as a distraction. 

Harry was frozen where he stood, but he soon rushed towards Draco and tackled him in a hug.

“Draco,” He murmured into Draco’s shoulder.

Draco slowly wrapped his arms around the taller boy, letting his bags drop into the snow, but clutching the gift back in one of his hands, careful to keep it out of the snow.

Draco nuzzled into Harry's chest, not caring that the snow was now covering him as well. Harry tightened his grip on Draco before letting go slowly, realizing what he had done.

They were both quiet for a few seconds, staring into each other's eyes. Draco smiled, laughing at Harry’s shocked expression, relieved to be back in his presence.

Harry smiles too, happy to see that Draco wasn’t weirded out by the lingering hug. He took in the other boy's features. The genuine smile that stretched across his face, his eyes squinted with laughter, his nose wrinkled in joy. His laugh like music.

_ He’s cute. _

Harry shook away his thoughts and hit Draco lightly on the shoulder.

“Why are you back so soon?” He asked, laughing playfully.

“Just,” Draco paused, trying to think of a reasonable response. “Wanted to come back,” he said, unconvincingly.

Harry let it slide, grabbing Draco's bags from the snow and heading towards the school.

They walked in silence, but a much different silence from what he had experienced with his father. This was a nice silence, comfortable.

Once they reached the 8th year dorms and made their way to Draco’s room, Harry began to talk.

“How was your break?”

Draco didn’t want to lie to Harry, so he told him all about his holiday at Malfoy Manor. He went on about his father, about being disowned and thrown out. How his mother did nothing to help him. How he left without saying goodbye.

The only part he left out was that it was because of their friendship. 

When Draco was done with his story, Harry sat next to him on the bed and hugged him again.

“I’m so sorry, Draco.”

Their hug ended, but Harry kept his hand on Draco’s knee.

“Well, it wasn’t all bad,” Draco said, remembering the one good event of the holidays.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

“I got your gift,” Draco said quietly, his gaze turned towards the hand on his knee and not Harry's face.

He missed the blush that spread quickly over Harry’s cheeks and ears.

“Oh, uh,” Harry sputtered. “Did you, uh”

“I loved it,” Draco said, picking his head up to look at Harry.

Draco’s cheeks were dusted pink, his eyes soft.

Harry smiled at that.  _ Cute. _

“I actually got you something too,” Draco said, reaching to the gift bag he had set on his bed. He handed it to Harry, nerves coursing through his stomach.

Harry grabbed it carefully, opening the bag and pulling the tissue paper away. He took out the sweater and studied it. A smile stretched across his face.

“I love it Draco, thank you so much.” 

Harry hugged Draco for the third time, letting this hug linger longer than the others. They were comfortable in each other's arms. They fit together nicely, Draco's head tucked into the crook of Harry's neck and Harry's head rested on top of Draco’s. The smaller boy's arms rested on Harry’s hips, Harry’s around Draco's shoulders. 

When Draco pulled away, Harry missed it instantly. He turned his gaze to the blonde boy's face and stared into his bright blue eyes. His eyes flicked down to the other boy's lips quickly, before going back to his eyes. Draco was close enough to kiss. 

At this thought, Harry separated them further. Draco was just his friend, why did he keep thinking about how cute he was, about kissing him. That's… gay. 

_ I’m not gay.  _ Harry thought, shaking off the feeling.

Draco looked just as shaken up. Harry took the time to place the sweater back into the gift bag.

“I, uh, I’m gonna go, uh, leave you to unpack,” Harry said, obviously shaken.

“Uh, yeah. Okay, sure.” Draco didn’t move from his spot on the bed.

Once Harry was gone, he dragged a hand across his face. Harry had been so close to him, their lips just inches apart. If his father didn’t like friendship just imagine what would happen if they-

_ No.  _ Draco thought, stopping himself from imagining anything else.  _ Harry Potter is straight. Harry Potter is not into me. Harry Potter is straight. _

He repeated this in his thoughts until he was too tired to think anymore.

The events of the day had exhausted him and he collapsed on his bed, falling asleep instantly.

___________________

Harry laid on his bed, thinking about the recent events. He ran a hand through his hair, lost in thought.

_ I am straight. I dated Ginny. I loved her. _

_ Draco. _

_ No, I’m straight. I dated Cho too. _

_ Draco. _

_ Stop. _

_ Draco’s skin. _

_ … _

_ Draco’s lips. _

_ … _

_ Draco’s hair. _

_ … _

_ You missed him. _

_ … _

He groaned, rolling over onto his stomach and burying his face in a pillow.

_ Think about it Harry,  _ his thoughts pressed on.  _ It never really felt right with Ginny or Cho. Something was missing. Sure, they were cute. You liked them. But Draco is different. There's something… special about him.  _

_ Stop. Please. _

_ You can’t ignore it forever. _

_ Yes. I can. Besides, Draco doesn’t like me that way. There's no point. _

_ … _

His thoughts stopped, and he rolled back over, now on his back. Staring at the ceiling, Harry fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again Merry Christmas everyone!!!  
> We got some Draco POV this time :)  
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, if you did please comment and leave kudos :D
> 
> The next chapter is going to be New Years!! I love how this matched up with no planning lol :D
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	6. New Years Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years!!  
> Ron throws a party and Harry gets very drunk...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years everyone!!!  
> I surprised myself and wrote a chapter that is about the same length as the last one (around 3300 words) and I’m pretty proud of it!  
> If you are enjoying please leave comments or kudos :D  
> Thanks a bunch!
> 
> I would also like to add in advance that I am apart of the LGBTQ+ community, but if I ever explain anything wrong please tell me and I will correct it :)
> 
> Edit: i totally forgot to make drinking a TW so here it is: the whole party scene has mentions of alcohol, Harry also gets very drunk.

The rest of December sped by. 

The boys were walking on eggshells around each other, not avoiding, per se, but watching their every move. They never got too close, always staying at least a foot apart.

Harry longed to be closer to the other boy. Wanted to hold him in his arms again. Wanted to feel the fluff of his hair against his cheek, to bury himself in his scent. He refrained, only letting himself think about Draco at night. His thoughts repeat the same argument from Christmas.

_ There's something different about him, something special.  _

_ You want him, you know you do.  _

_ You can’t ignore it forever. _

Harry fell asleep fighting his thoughts every night.

Draco had a similar issue.

He stayed distant from Harry in the same way, watching his movements. Always a foot away. 

His thoughts, however, were different.

_ He doesn't want you. _

_ Look at how he's staying away from you. _

_ He's disgusted by you. _

These thoughts raced through his brain every second of every day. He hated it, fought them as much as he could. But he believed them. He knew Harry didn't want him. He knew Harry would never like him in the same way he liked Harry. He fell victim to his thoughts, becoming more and more distant from his new friend.

The thoughts of rejection went away occasionally, only to be replaced by the words of his father.

_ I do not approve…  _

_ That mark on your arms shows the kind of man you were meant to be. _

_ You are a disgrace. _

_ I do not want you back in my home. _

He knew the truth, he was a disappointment. No one wanted him. Not his own family, not Harry. No one.

Draco was alone.

___________________

Hermione was the only smart one among them. She saw the longing in Harry’s eyes whenever he was looking at Draco. She saw how his stares lingered longer than was normal. She recognized the looks. It was the same when she was falling for Ron.

She started watching Draco as well. She saw how he looked at Harry with sad eyes. She noticed how he held back whenever Harry was close to him. She noticed how he barely ate anymore, how he left early from classes and stayed in his room.

She noticed the dark circles surrounding his bloodshot eyes.

She tried to bring it up to Harry but every time she tried, he pushed her away saying something along the lines of, “we’re just friends” or “I’m not gay ‘Mione, leave it alone,”.

But Hermione pushed.

“Harry, just think about it. I can tell that you like him, and not just as a friend."

“Hermione, I’m-”

“You’re not gay. Right.” She said, rolling her eyes.

Harry sighed, putting his head in his hands.

“You know, gay or straight aren't your only options.”

Harry lifted his head, eyes wide with confusion. “What do you mean?”

Hermione wasn’t shocked that he didn't know, being raised the way he was and not having a normal education. She almost laughed.

“Harry, there are more than two sexualities. There's like… 50 or more of them.” She let out a small laugh.

Harry was speechless. “Like what?”

“Well, there's bisexual, which means you are attracted to multiple genders. Pansexual, which means your attraction isn't limited by gender identity.”

Harry’s eyes widened while Hermione continued to explain the wide range of different sexualities.

“But of course Harry, you don’t need to label yourself. There’s the term ‘queer’ which is a bit of an umbrella term for the community, but you don’t need to label yourself. You’re Harry Potter. We’ll love you no matter what.”

Harry went to bed that night with his thoughts racing.

Bisexual.

Maybe…

Hermione’s words came back to him. “You don’t need to label yourself.”

The thought of that frightened him though. His whole life he was stuck under labels, it's what he knew. He didn’t want to stray from that. 

But thinking about sexualities, about labeling himself, it scared him. He wished someone could just tell him what he was. Who he was.

Bisexual sounds… accurate. Perhaps I am.

“Bisexual…” he muttered to himself tiredly.

He sighed and rolled to face the wall. This could wait. He can just chill for the rest of the holiday and get back to his normal routine once classes start again. Everything would be fine. As long as he stays calm and doesn’t do anything stupid.

___________________

Ron had the opposite idea.

“Hey, what if we have a New Year's Eve party?” He asked one day while the three were hanging out in the common room.

‘What are you on about?” Hermione asked.

“A party, ‘Mione! Like drinking and music! And we can watch the countdown for New Years!”

“Drinking! Are you crazy! We’re at school, Ron!”

“All the 8th years are technically legal age to drink,” Harry stated.

Hermione scoffed and turned to Harry. “You want to have a party too?”

“Urm… I don’t see why not.” Harry shrugged, completely forgetting about his situation, wanting to help his best friend have some fun.

“Sweet!” Ron exclaimed. “I’ll plan it all, don’t worry.” He said to Hermione.

Harry laughed a little, knowing that Hermione would inevitably take over the planning.

They went off to shop, waving a quick goodbye to Harry. Once they were gone, Harry’s mind was no longer occupied and his thoughts began again. 

_ Shit… _

Harry groaned and flopped down on the couch, rubbing his hands down his face.

“Harry? Are you okay?” He heard a soft voice ask from across the room.

He moved his hands away from his eyes and searched for the person who had spoken. It was Draco. 

Of course, it was Draco.

He moved back into a sitting position as he answered the other boy's question.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Draco didn’t say anything but sat in the lounge chair next to the couch. Usually, he would sit on the couch next to Harry, but both of them were holding back.

No one spoke. They didn’t want to ruin the comfortable silence between them.

Eventually, Harry spoke up. “Ron’s planning a New Years' party for the 8th years that stayed for Holidays.”

Draco lifted his gaze to meet Harry’s eyes. “How many people stayed?”

“Around 20 or 30 I think.”

“Hmm…”

“Would you,” Harry swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbed. “Would you go?”

Harry was filled with nerves, anxiously awaiting Draco’s reply.

“Sure, I guess,” Draco responded, looking down at his hands. He seemed… scared. Like he was waiting for something bad to happen.

Harry noticed his change in mood but didn’t bring it up. 

Draco got up after a while, making his way back to his own room.

Harry laid back down, one hand raking through his hair.

He was so screwed.

___________________

The next day, December 30th, word of the party had spread. The 8th years were buzzing, excited for a change of pace (and the opportunity to drink). Harry played along whenever he was around Ron, knowing his friend was super excited about the party. But really he was nervous. There were going to be a lot of people, so many bodies all crowded in one small room. They were using the Room of Requirements. Ron had already gone and made sure he could get a room the right size and style for the party.

Draco was nervous as well. He didn’t know what to expect at the party. He had already decided that he wouldn’t drink. At least not too much. He knew if he did something bad would happen. He would get too close to Harry and mess up what little normalcy they had left.

Neither of them were prepared for what was to come.

___________________

It was New Year’s Eve, the party was in two hours.

Harry was pacing in his room, trying to find a nice outfit to wear. He wanted to wear something different, something with more style than his usual jeans and sweatshirt, but his wardrobe was limited.

He settled on a white collared shirt, leaving the top two buttons open, and a pair of ripped gray jeans. He wore a black belt as well. He looked through his things and found a chain necklace that he had never worn. Putting it on, he looked in the mirror. 

His dark hair was a mess on his head, but that was nothing new. His eyes were ringed with dark circles from his recent lack of sleep. It didn’t look bad, though.

Happy with his appearance, Harry left and found Ron and Hermione.

Ron was wearing black slacks and a buttoned-up flannel with the shelves rolled to his elbows.

Hermione was dressed in brown pants fitted around her waist with a gold belt. Tucked into her pants she wore a back and white horizontal striped button-up, the top of it slightly unbuttoned revealing her collar bones. She wore a gold necklace and a few gold rings, her hair curly hair decorated with small braids

They were both smiling wide, clearly excited for the party. Harry walked with them to the Room of Requirements to help set up. His two friends walked in front of him, chatting softly and holding hands.

Harry was happy for them. But at the same time, he was sad. He was sad that he didn’t have what they have with Draco.

He pushed those thoughts away as he got to the Room of Requirements. 

The room was a fairly good size, a long table placed against one wall, chairs littered around the edge of the room. The floor was decorated with a rectangle design that was covering the majority of the area; a large dance floor.

Most of it was set up, only a few things needed to be added. Including the drinks and snacks.

Harry helped Ron bring the drinks in while Hermione found a way to play music magically throughout the whole room.

Suddenly sound engulfed them, they were taken aback by the sudden change of volume and almost dropped the drinks they were holding.

“‘Mione! Turn it down!” Harry yelled through the room.

She winced and turned down the music. “Sorry.”

When they were finished setting up it was around 5:00 pm. The party was scheduled for 6:00.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stayed in the room talking and waiting for others to arrive.

___________________ TW/CW: drinking/drunk

An hour later, the other 8th year students made their way to the room of requirements. 

Harry was already a drink in, his second in his hand now.

Harry knew almost everyone that was coming, having lived with them the last 8 years of his life. Plus, his famous reputation made him a people person, at least that's what people thought. He greeted everyone at the door, refilling his drink regularly.

After 30 minutes, Draco wasn’t there. Most Slytherins weren’t.

There were about 8 Gryffindors, 3 Hufflepuffs, 4 Ravenclaws, and 2 or 3 Slytherins. The room was crowded. Most people were on the dance floor, standing closely among their friends. A few sat along the wall, observing the dancers and chatting.

Harry was among the ones on the wall, close to the door. He watched Ron and Hermione on the dance floor, both of their faces stretched into large smiles, laughing at Ron’s terrible dance moves.

Every once and awhile, he would glance at the door. Willing it to open and for Draco to walk in. He was on his fourth drink now.

An hour into the party, Hermione dragged Harry away from the door, pulling him onto the dance floor.

He was warm, stuck in the sea of bodies. Hermione grabbed his hands and forced him to dance.

“Harry, it’s a party! Forget about it for a while! Have some fun!” She yelled through the crowd, a smile stretched across her tan face.

Harry gave in, The alcohol fueling him. He danced with Hermione and Ron. Eventually, he dragged Neville in. And danced with him for a while. He spotted Dean and Seamus dancing in the crowd and made his way there. He danced with the Patil twins. He danced with anyone and everyone.

He forgot about Draco for a while.

Until the door opened and the blonde walked in, flanked by Pansy and Blaise.

He wore black slacks with a belt that hugged his waist. Chains hung from his belt loops and rested against his hip. On top he had on the sweater Harry had given him, a white collared shirt peeking out of the neckline. The color of the shirt made his eyes shine bright blue.

Harry smiled and unconsciously moved towards him. 

He’s wearing the sweater I got him… Harry thought, his smile growing wider.

As he got closer he noticed something else; Draco was wearing eyeliner.

He’d seen Hermione put it on before, but it was different on Draco. He looked…

Hot.

Harry shook his head as he reached Draco, the alcohol in his system making him forget that he was supposed to stay apart from the boy.

He hugged him at the door, Pansy and Blaise left to get drinks. When Draco didn’t hug him back, Harry pulled away and looked at the shorter boy. Draco’s cheeks were flushed pink, his face twisted in confusion.

“Draco! I’m glad you made it!” Harry said, not reading Draco’s expression.

“Harry, are you-“

“Do you want a drink?” Harry asked, cutting him off. “It’s actually pretty good!”

Yeah, he was a bit drunk.

Draco followed the energetic Harry to the drink table, pouring himself a small cup. Harry’s cup almost overflowed with the drink.

Draco promised himself then that he’d stay sober, knowing something bad would happen if he wasn’t.

After a few minutes, Harry was pulled away onto the dance floor, he handed Draco his drink quickly before turning and running away. Draco observed the boy from afar, admiring his features.

Harry's shirt was unbuttoned quite a bit, his collar bones peaked out, one sleeve threatened to fall off his shoulder. A chain was wrapped around his neck. For a moment Draco imagined using that to pull Harry into a kiss.

He put his drink down, erasing that thought.

This was going to be a long night.

Hours passed like minutes. Draco hung around the other Slytherins, talking mostly with Pansy and Blaise, trying to ignore the sound of Harry’s loud laughter coming from the dance floor. 

It was around 10:30 when Harry came back to him.

“Draco!” He yelled over the music, his cheeks were flushed bright red. “Dance with me!”

Draco got a look from Blaise and Pansy grabbed his shoulders from behind and leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

“Go get him, lover boy.” She pushed him away and winked, Draco scowled back at her.

Harry grabbed his hand and dragged him onto the dance floor. Their bodies pressed together in the crowd of people. They kept their hands off each other, Draco wasn’t really dancing, more like standing and moving in a way that avoided Harry’s touch.

Harry was oblivious to the situation. He grabbed Draco’s hips, swaying with the music. He pulled the shorter boy closer to him by the chain hooked on his belt.

“Draco,” He said, leaning down to talk in his ear. “You’re not a very good dancer,” He laughed. “Let loose.”

Harry’s movement had brought them closer together. His arms now wrapped around Draco’s waist fully, forcing the blonde to move his arms as well.

He gently placed his hands on Harry’s hips, feeling the taller boy's curves against his palms. He let himself melt under Harry's touch, swaying with the music. They leaned together and his forehead pressed lightly against Harry’s. 

And then he stopped. Pulled away. Left, muttering about getting a drink.

Harry stood confused and alone in the middle of the dance floor, watching Draco run from him. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes. He blinked them away and found Dean and Seamus pouring shots.

“Count me in.” He said to the boys.

They took shot after shot, Harry drank to forget what just happened.

They ended up doing 8 rounds of shots.

Harry was wasted. He wouldn’t remember anything tomorrow and he knew it. 

Around 11:45 they turned on a countdown clock.

There were 15 minutes until the new year.

Harry was still dancing. Moving his hips with the music, throwing his head back with laughter, spinning random girls, and pressing against random boys.

Draco watched, wishing he had the courage to dance with him. Jealous of the people Harry was touching.

_ 11:50 _

Harry went to get another drink and spotted Draco. Without asking, he pulled Draco to the middle of the dance floor. They blended in with the crowd. Harry danced freely, his hands thrown lazily over Draco’s shoulders, his head tilted down taking in Draco’s features.

_ 11:55 _

Draco found himself dancing along with Harry, his hands wrapped around the taller boy's hips.

_ 11:59 _

They were still dancing, Harry had moved them into a corner of the room where no one would pay attention to them. His hands had moved to Draco’s hair. He twisted and pulled at it, forcing Draco to tilt his head up and look at Harry. Harry’s other hand moved slowly down to Draco’s lower back, holding him close.

Draco stayed frozen, his hands around the taller boy's waist, his blue eyes staring into Harry’s green ones. 

He watched Harry's tongue swipe across his lips.

_ 10… _

People were yelling the count down but neither of the boys heard it. 

_ 9… _

Harry’s eyes traveled up Draco’s face, his hand moving to cup his jaw.

_ 8… _

He moved in slightly, Draco stayed frozen, his eyes wide.

_ 7… _

Harry scanned Draco’s expression, waiting to see if Draco would stop him.

_ 6… _

Draco didn’t dare move.

_ 5… _

Harry met Draco’s eyes.

_ 4… _

Harry pushed closer, their noses bumped together.

_ 3… _

Their breath mingled.

_ 2… _

Draco’s eyes fluttered shut in a moment of weakness.

_ 1… _

Harry closed his eyes fully, moving in to close the distance between them. His lips brushed against Draco’s hesitantly.

_ Happy New Year! _

“Harry,” Draco backed up, not daring to open his eyes. “You’re drunk.”

“Draco,” Harry muttered, his breath was hot against Draco’s lips. He tried to move in again but Draco avoided him.

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” Draco whispered sadly.

Harry's head fell against Draco’s shoulder. 

“Dray,” He murmured, gifting Draco a new nickname. “I want you,” He nuzzled into the crook of Draco’s neck, kissing him softly there.

Draco pulled away quickly, shocked by Harry’s words.

“Harry,” Draco said, bringing his hands to the taller boy's shoulders, holding him an arm's length away. “I’m going to take you back to the dorms.”

Harry smiled and threw an arm around Draco’s shoulders. 

“Okay~” he smirked.

Draco rolled his eyes and led Harry away from the crowd. He dragged him through the hallway, ignoring Harry’s slurred confessions while they walked.

“Draco~”

“Dray, baby, I want you.”

“Dray, c’mon, gimme a kiss.”

“Draco, can you stay with me?”

“Draco, do you like me?”

“Dray~ kiss me. Please.”

Harry didn’t stop until they got to his room. He collapsed on his bed, tugging Draco down with him.

“Stay with me, Dray.” He whispered, planting a kiss across Draco’s knuckles. 

Draco sighed. He wanted nothing more than to snuggle up next to Harry and fall asleep in his arms.

“I can’t, sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He whispered, using his free hand to push hair away from the other boy's eyes. Harry sleepily leaned into the touch. Draco pulled away slowly, getting up from Harry’s bed and leaving the boy alone.

He went back to his room with a promise in his mind. 

He would never be around drunk Harry again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, heres to the end of 2020!  
> 2020 has sucked... I miss all of my friends and its been a rough year for me in general. Hopfully 2021 is a little better.  
> Thank you all for reading! Comment or leave kudos if you liked the chapter and want more!  
> (subscribe to the work for updates, its completley free and you can always remove it later :D)
> 
> PS schools starting again soon but I’ll try to update once or twice a week for now on! :)
> 
> Happy freaking new year!!


	7. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I hope you have enjoyed the chapters so far :)  
> Here is a brand new one for you all :)
> 
> BEFORE YOU START: TW/CW of offensive language (the f slur I’m sorry) and mature content (but nothing too bad idk how to write that... yet)  
> the TW is in bold before the part in the story
> 
> Thanks!

_ I can't, sweetheart, I’m sorry. _

He felt a soft hand swipe his hair away, he leaned into the touch.

Draco was curled up next to him, his head resting on Harry's chest. Harry’s arms wrapped around the smaller boy's shoulders and rested in his hair, rubbing circles into his scalp. Their legs were tangled together under the warm blankets. Draco smelled of citrus and mint, his cologne was faint in the background. And something else? Something a little sweet but still bitter.

Harry took a deep breath, Draco’s scent disappeared and his senders were filled with the bittersweet smell.

He opened his eyes a sliver. Light filled his vision, blinding him. His head started to pound, pain filled him.

He reached for Draco but was met with a squished pillow instead.

“Ugh come on.” Harry groaned, burying his head into the pillow he had grabbed. He spent another 30 minutes trying to fall back asleep, back into his dream world, but his pounding headache denied him the pleasure of dreaming. He rolled out of bed harshly, noticing that he was still in the same clothes from last night.

He sniffed, smelling the bittersweet scent of alcohol on him.

_ So that’s what it was… _

He grabbed clean clothes and a towel and went to shower off the previous night. 

While the water fell down his back, his mind wandered. He searched for memories of the party but came up blank.

He remembered his feelings though. He remembered feeling warm with nerves. He remembered feeling free. He remembered disappointment.

_ Shit. What happened last night. _

He got out of the shower and pulled on a pair of baggy gray sweatpants and a large black t-shirt. The shirt hung off of his shoulder, must’ve been clothing from the Dursley’s that he had never gotten rid of. 

Oh well, changing is too much work.

He dried his hair with the towel, leaving it messy, and draped the towel over his shoulders, letting it collect the drops of water left on his hair.

Harry walked down to the common room to make a pot of coffee, hoping it would cure his hangover.

Once he had his cup he sat on the couch. A few people were walking around, chatting quietly about the party. He listened to their whispers while he sipped on the hot drink.

“Yeah, I saw Harry and … almost kiss” He heard someone whisper to their friend.

“No way!”

Harry leaned closer, hoping to catch the other person's name, although he had a suspicion that he knew who it was.

“Yeah and then Draco brought him to the dorms. Who knows what happened then.”

He heard the two laugh and sunk into the couch.

_ What the fuck had happened last night. _

_ ___________________ _

Draco woke up late. Sunlight struggled to light the room through the dark curtains. He dragged himself out of bed and opened the curtains, plopping back down on his bed afterward. 

Draco stared out the window at the snowy field. 

Quidditch didn’t allow the 8th years on the team. They were ‘too old’ in the headmasters' eyes.

He had lost that form of escape.

He subconsciously rubbed the mark on his forearm, turning away from the window and grabbing a sweater to throw on over his thin t-shirt.

The sweater was big on him, hiding his physical form and burying his hands in the long sleeves.

He walked slowly down the stairs to the common room. The first thing he saw was Harry on the couch. Of course.

Draco took his time admiring the other boy. His shirt was way too big for him and had slipped off one of his shoulders, revealing strong muscle and smooth skin. A towel was laid over his other shoulder, his hair shaggy and damp. His head was rested on the back of the couch and his eyes closed. He was definitely nursing a hangover.

Draco stayed on the stairs staring at the other boy for minutes before Harry spotted him. The dark-haired boy smiled and waved him over. Draco took a deep breath and made his way to the couch next to Harry.

“Hey,” Harry said with a smile.

Draco nodded his response and sat. He was way too tired to deal with this right now.

Harry was still looking at him, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Draco planned to ignore the other boy but then Harry asked him a question.

“What happened last night?”

The simple question made Draco’s face turn a deep red. Harry took that as a sign that something either very good or very bad had happened.

“Draco?”

“It was uh,” Draco stuttered. “It was nothing. You got really drunk.”

Harry could tell he was lying, or at least hiding the truth, but let it slide because of the public setting and his painful hangover.

Draco got up to get breakfast and didn’t come back to the common room for hours.

Harry went to sleep early that night.

And when classes started again they forgot about it. The question was never brought up again and Harry went on with hours of his life missing from his memories.

___________________

January sped by. By the end of the month Draco and Harry were back in their normal routine; walking to classes together and studying late at night in the common room.

Draco was always watching his movements during the day, but at night, alone with Harry, he relaxed.

He allowed himself to sit closely with the taller boy. Their knees pressed together while they studied, their hands brushed together while explaining work, their shoulders wrapped together with a shared blanket while they relaxed by the fire.

Draco loved their nights together. He looked forward to it every day. But there was something sad about it. He was hiding his feelings from Harry. Only letting himself feel when he was alone.

And he now knew how Harry felt, or what he thought he felt. Harry had confessed and has no memory of it.

It hurt Draco to lie to him, but he knew it’s what's best rather than a drunken confession.

It was mid-February now, Valentine season. The castle was decorated in pink and red, hearts and Cupids flew around, shooting magical arrows into the air.

They were everywhere.

There was no escape from the couples. Everywhere you looked there were students holding hands or making out.

And Harry was touch deprived and heartbroken.

He had been having dreams lately. They were blurred and hard to remember, but it was Draco. Draco shaded with colorful lights, Draco’s hands on him, Draco’s lips close to his.

Draco walking with an arm wrapped around his waist. His own words were slurred and sloppy.

_ “...I want you… kiss me… stay with me…” _

The dreams started to look more like memories with every repeating night.

The night of the party.

Harry had figured it out weeks ago. Now, surrounded by love, he felt crushed. If Draco had known all this time then what does that say about him. Does Draco not like him? Is he embarrassed that Harry said those things? 

Does he regret what happened at the party?

Harry sunk into these thoughts, they made him shy away when Draco reached for him. They made him sit farther away when they studied. They got bad enough that he stopped studying all together.

Draco noticed Harry’s slight change in behavior. He didn’t know what it was about so he just let it go. Let Harry deal with it on his own.

Bad choice.

When Harry missed their study session for the third night he knew something was wrong.

He tried to talk to Harry but every time he did Harry’s answer was the same, cold sentence.

“I’m fine, Malfoy.”

Going back to using his last name stung. He thought they were past that. They had become friends. Hell, Harry had almost kissed him.

When Draco reached out to him, Harry pulled away. When they did sit near each other they were a foot away.

Harry had locked himself in his room again.

Draco was sick of this.

He pulled out his wand and unlocked the door, bursting into the room.

Harry sat up from where he was laying in his bed, shock covered his face. When he saw who had come in, his expression turned quickly to hurt before becoming neutral. He laid back down, ignoring Draco _. _

**_-TW/CW: F slur & mature content-_ **

“What’s wrong with you?” Draco screamed.

Harry turned his back to the Slytherin boy.

“Harry, what the hell is wrong with you?” He yelled again, louder this time.

He pulled Harry’s shoulder, forcing the boy to look at him.

Silent tears streamed down Harry’s cheeks.

“What’s wrong with me?” He scoffed. “What’s wrong with me?” Harry sat up straighter and pushed Draco’s hand away.

“Maybe it's that I’m a fucking  _ faggot _ . Is that what you think is wrong with me, Malfoy?

Draco’s jaw dropped. “Harry, what-“

“I remember the stupid party, Draco.”

Draco didn’t know what to say, he was frozen where he stood.

“Harry,” He said barely above a whisper.

Harry stood and stepped closer to Draco, his head turned down to stare into his eyes.

“Do you hate me for what I did?”

Draco swallowed. “No,” He whispered, flicking his eyes down to Harry’s lips.

Harry grabbed Draco’s jaw and forced him to look in his eyes.

“Don’t lie to me, Draco. You knew and you hid it from me.” Hot, angry tears streamed down Harry’s cheeks.

“I’m not lying,”

Harry stared into Draco’s eyes looking for any trace of a lie. He couldn’t find anything.

Harry leaned closer to Draco, his lips parted.

Draco’s eyes shut as Harry closed the distance between them. Their lips met sloppily, moving fast against each other, fighting for dominance.

Harry’s grip on Draco’s jaw never faltered. Draco moved his hands to Harry’s hips, pulling him closer.

Harry swiped his tongue across Draco’s bottom lip causing the boy to gasp, granting Harry access. His tongue explored Draco’s mouth, pushing against the other boys.

His other hand moved into Draco’s hair, gripping the locks and forcing Draco to angle his head more.

Harry took control, pushing Draco up against the wall. His mouth explored Draco’s skin, trailing kisses down his neck and across his collarbones. He attached his lips to Draco’s neck and sucked. Draco let out a soft moan at the feeling. Harry smirked into Draco’s neck and continued leaving marks across Draco’s pale skin.

Draco’s hands wandered over Harry’s chest and stomach. He worked to unbutton the taller boy's shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. Harry tried to do the same but Draco kept his shirt on, hiding the mark on his arm.

They were all wandering hands and trailing kisses. It stayed that way for what felt like 10 minutes. 

An hour had passed.

Harry pulled back to finally breathe and took in the sight before him.

Draco was a mess. He was breathing heavily, bare chest rising and falling. His shirt had fallen off one shoulder and was barely on the other. His hair was disheveled and tangled, falling in front of his eyes. His lips were swollen and pink. Dark purple spots covered his collarbones and neck.

Harry looked similar. His hair was a mess and his lips swollen. His shirt was completely off, revealing his strong figure. Draco let his eyes trace his abs, then his hands followed. He let out a deep sigh, stepping back into Harry’s arms and kissing him again. This time slower. 

When they broke apart this time Draco noticed the time.

“Shit, Harry,” Draco murmured into Harry’s chest.

“Mhm,”

“It’s almost 12.”

“What?” Harry turned to look at the clock. Sure enough, the hands showed that it was 11:45.

“Oh wow, time flies.” Harry laughed.

Draco nodded against Harry’s chest.

“I guess I should go then,” He whispered.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Harry pulled away from Draco fully, immediately missing the warmth of the other boy.

He opened the door for Draco, saying a quiet goodbye.

Draco looked like he wanted to say something, but held back. A sad smile twisted his face.

Harry closed the door and pressed his back to it.

_ What the fuck just happened?  _

Harry wasn’t stupid, he knew that could never happen again. But the pent up emotions, anger, lust, had exploded from him and caused, well, caused him to make out with his former enemy.

That fact didn’t stop him from thinking about it though.

Draco, a mess underneath him, moaning with every bite Harry left on his skin. Draco’s hands exploring his body tracing his stomach and drinking in the sight of him.

Harry missed his touch already, touching himself wasn’t the same. It didn’t make him feel anything.

Draco went to sleep that night riding a high he knew he wouldn’t be able to have again.

That was the first and last time he could be with Harry.

But, damn, Harry knew how to leave a mark. There were dark splotches covering his left side. A constant reminder of what they had done.

He’d be wearing scarves and turtlenecks for weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! If you did consider subscribing to the work for updates!
> 
> Also please leave comments/kudos if you are liking this, they give me motivation to write and get the chapters out sooner :D
> 
> (This is also on Wattpad under fenway_cp if you prefer that)


	8. Confession?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!   
> Sorry about the late update, my friends moved and we were helping plus school so i didn’t have much time to write :/  
> I’m posting this from my phone rn... in school...  
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

They were back to avoiding.

God, they just went in circles. Hating each other than loving each other. Ignoring each other, then being overly touchy. And over, and over.

Honestly, it was exhausting.

Draco was doing a better job at hiding it. Not just the marks (being winter scarves were common so no one questioned it) but his emotions. He was used to putting up walls, he had done so all his life. He had hidden his feelings from his friends, from his teachers, from his father. It wasn’t hard for him.

He had known he was gay for a while, and he hid it well. Too well actually, he had almost forgotten it himself until Harry did…  _ that _ .

Draco had been thinking about this a lot recently. He remembered his past, his second year when a Ravenclaw girl tried to kiss him. Kissing her was okay, but only because he was thinking of some hot Slytherin guy while he did.

That relationship didn’t work out.

He hadn't told many people, maybe just Pansy and Blaise. He couldn’t tell anyone, if his father found out he would have been kicked out a long time ago.

So he learned to hide behind a stone-faced expression. He thought it would be easy to bring that back. And it was for a while.

But he couldn’t hold it for long. The stone walls were crumbling and he couldn’t build them back up.

No one seemed to notice. Other than Harry, of course.

So he was back to avoiding. Going to bed early, eating late. Getting to classes late and sitting in the back.

It was a lot of work. And it was absolutely exhausting. Dying would be simpler.

Harry, on the other hand, had never done well with his emotions. He always had Ron and Hermione to share with.

But he couldn’t talk to them about this.

He lasted 5 days.

Then he talked with Hermione.

“Goodness, Harry! You must’ve been so drunk!.” She laughed while Harry told her the story.

“‘Mione, come on, this is serious!” Harry whined. 

“I know, I know. Go on.”

“Well, after the whole party thing, I couldn’t remember what had happened for a while. I do now, of course, but it took a few days to come back. And when I remembered what happened, knowing Draco had known that and was hiding it from me… I was crushed.” Harry frowned at the memory. “I know, it’s dumb, but I felt like he was bothered by it.”

Hemione nodded along with the story.

“I was wrong though. I think he was nervous.”

“Why’s that?” Hermione questioned.

“Well, uh,” Harry turned red while he thought of what to say. “Well, he came to my room one night, unlocked the door with magic and all that. He yelled at me. And then we um,” Harry cleared his throat and rushed his words. “Thenwemadeoutforlikeanhour.” 

Hemione was speechless, as to be expected. “You and Malfoy, made out?” She clarified.

Harry nodded slowly.

Then Hemione laughed. “Holy hell, Harry! Finally! You two got your heads out of your arses and did something!”

“What?” Harry asked, thoroughly confused by her reaction.

“Harry, it's so obvious that you like each other!” Hermione giggled. “I’m happy for you guys.”

“No, ‘Mione, you don’t get it.” Harry dropped his hands into his lap. “It can’t happen again.”

“Harry?” Hemione asked warily. “What do you mean?”

“I mean no one else can know about this. It can never happen again.”

“Harry, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. What’d you think would happen if you two did get together? Voldemort will rise from his grave and destroy the world because ‘oh no! Harry Potter is a bit gay?’” She swung her hands wildly as she spoke, clearly annoyed by the boy. “Harry, there’s nothing wrong with it! Get your head out of your arse!”

Harry was shocked, to say the least. Hemione rarely lashed out, and when she did you knew it was bad.

He just mumbled an apology and got up to go back to his room.

“Harry, just talk to him. Please. Communicate.” She seemed sincere. “You deserve to be happy.”

So while Harry walked away, he thought of what he could say.

___________________

It had been two days since Harry’s talk with Hermione making it a week since he had talked to Draco.

He had taken the time to think and came up with a plan to tell Draco how he felt.

This would totally work.

Later that day, on their way to dinner, Harry stood in the shadows of the corridor, waiting for Draco to walk past him. When he spotted the blonde boy, he grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty classroom. 

“What the hell,“ Draco paused when he saw Harry.

They were both quiet, waiting for the other to make a move.

“What’d you want, Harry,” Draco asked in a low voice.

Harry forgot his plan. “I- uh want to, erm, talk?”

“Then talk.”

Harry swallowed, nerves racing through his body. “What’s happening to us?” His voice quivers.

Draco was taken aback by this, Harry’s voice was soft, he seemed hurt.

“Harry, what’d you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Harry muttered, not meeting the other boy's eyes.

Yeah, he knew. Draco was reminded of that stupid night every time he looked at himself in the mirror, although the marks were nearly gone now. 

But Draco was scared. He was scared that he would lose the very little he had left. The ounce of respect from his father, the little bit of communication with his mother, his friends in Slytherin. His respect for himself.

And he hated that those were the things holding him back. His father, for god sakes! He was already banished from his ‘home’, what’s left to lose? 

But he was hanging on the single thread of hope that someday he would be let back, even though that house was one of nightmares.

It wasn’t fair.

In his thoughts, his chin had fallen to his chest, avoiding all eye contact with Harry.

“Draco,” Harry said softly, taking a step towards the other boy.

“Hey, Draco, what is it?”

Draco lets out a long sigh, he wants to tell him the truth. All of the truth. But their friendship, although ruined as it is, was too important to him. He wasn’t willing to give it up.

“I’m not feeling well.”

“Come on Draco, what’s really wrong?”

“Seriously, I don’t feel well.”

Draco pushes past Harry and walks away, leaving Harry standing alone in the dark, empty classroom.

Well, confessing didn’t go very well.

Harry sat against the wall in a dark corner. He let himself feel the pain and sorrow of being rejected for all of two minutes. After that, he buried his emotions back into the depths of his heart. He wiped his tears and went to the dorms.

Harry never came back for dinner. Draco watched the door, waiting for Harry to come through with his usual smile and sit with his friends at the Gryffindor table. But he never came.

Draco rushed his meal and grabbed a bundle of leftovers, leaving the dining hall without saying a word.

When he got to the common room, he went to the right, going into the Gryffindor dorms. He found Harry's room quickly and knocked on the door.

It opened, and Draco stepped in cautiously holding the food close to his chest. 

“Harry?” he whispered into the quiet room.

Harry was on his bed turned away from Draco. Draco moved slowly and sat on the bed next to Harry. 

Draco took a deep breath. 

“I’m sorry.” It was quiet enough that Harry almost missed it.

Harry felt a hand on his shoulder and then heard it again, louder this time. “I’m sorry, Harry,”

Harry turned slightly to look at the other boy's expression. It was one of pain and heartbreak.

“I could’ve talked to you, no- should’ve talked to you. I just,” he took in a shuddering breath. “I just don’t know how to explain it.”

“Explain what?” Harry spoke, his voice hoarse. 

“Emotions?” Draco sighed, his hand falling from Harry’s shoulder.

“Just,” Harry paused, contemplating his next words. “Tell me how you feel. What you feel.”

Draco thought about it, but his mind held him back from saying what he truly felt for the other boy.

“Scared,” Draco whispered.

Harry didn’t know how to answer that. What was he scared of? People knowing that he-

Oh.

People knowing he’s gay.

Harry was scared of that too.

Scared of disappointing people.

It makes sense.

God, how could he have been so naive to think he could confess his feelings and everything would be fine! He forgot about the obvious issues of appearance in the world. He was the Boy Who Lived! The guy who defeated Voldemort, He Who Must Not Be Named. He couldn’t go and date the child of a death eater, a former death eater himself. Sure, to him Draco had changed. But he had that damn mark that showed his dark past. He had a father who was Voldemort's former right hand. His whole family was on the ‘dark side’. There was no way that he could ever be with Draco. He sees that now.

But they could be friends.

Yeah, friends.

That would have to be enough.

After a long pause, both of them deep in thought, Harry spoke up,

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing at the bundle in Draco’s lap.

“Oh, I brought you food. You never came to dinner.”

“Oh,” Harry smiles. It was a nice gesture. “Thank you.”

He took the food from Draco, a roll of bread, and some fruit, and began to eat only noticing his hunger now that he had food.

Draco laughed a little while Harry wolfed down the food.

“Do you want to go get more?” Draco laughed, a real smile stretched across his face.

“Yes, please.” Harry laughed too.

The boys went to the kitchen and snuck more food back up to the dorms. They snacked on their stolen goods in the common room, chatting about tests and school work.

And they were friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! if you’re liking it so far please leave comments or kudos, seeing it makes my day and keeps me motivated to write more!  
> Thanks a bunch!! :D  
> (Subscribe to the work for updates!)


	9. Happy Birthday!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for a late update, I’ve just been pretty unmotivated to write.  
> Hope you enjoy the chapter :)

The rest of February went by smoothly. There was no avoiding, no arguments, no tears. The boys were friends. 

Just friends.

There were, of course, the longing glances, the lingering touches, the words that have a secret meaning, the fantasies of having something more. 

They hid these from each other. Didn’t let themselves think about it for more than a few minutes at night.

And it was working.

Until Harry fucked messed it up.

___________________

It was the end of February, March was only a few days away. Hermione came to Harry with a question.

“Can you help me plan a birthday party for Ron?”

Harry, of course, said yes to his friend, Ron deserved to be celebrated. Parties weren’t his favorite anymore, but he couldn't say no. Planning it could give him options though.

“We should do just Gryffindor, we’re his real friends anyway,” Harry suggested while Hermione wrote out party plans.

Hermione looked up from her paper, a knowing glint in her eyes. “Yeah, that’ll work,” she smirked. “Should we have alcohol?”

“Yeah,” Harry answered quickly. It was a party, drinks were necessary. He would just watch himself this time.

They planned for hours, Hemione filled her parchment with theme ideas, things to buy for decorations, a list of Ron’s favorite foods, songs, and games.

Hermione was a very good party planner. In two days, they would throw the best part Gryfindor has ever seen.

“Where should I put the balloons?” Harry said, standing on a stool in the corner of the Room of Requirements.

He and Hermione had been decorating for hours. Ron’s birthday was tomorrow and they wanted everything set up so they could spend the day with him.

Streamers were hanging from the ceiling in loose arches, reds, and yellows mixing to create a tornado of color around the room. Two large tables were against the back wall. Hermione had laid white table clothes over each of them, displaying the red paper plates and yellow napkins. Harry had placed the stacks of solo cups next to the plates, shoving extras under the table. 

Hermione was on the other side of the room organizing chairs along the walls. She turned to face Harry as he asked his question.

“Tie a bunch to this chair,” She said pointing to a large wooden chair in the center of the room. “And the rest can be littered around the room wherever.” She turned back to organizing and let Harry work.

He tied ten balloons on the large chair, two red, two yellow, and one white for each side, and then let the extras float to the ceiling in every corner of the room, adding a few scattered in the center.

The theme of red and yellow made it very clear that this was a Gryffindor party.

Harry smiled at the decorations, proud of what they put together for Ron.

Hermione came and sat next to him, smiling and admiring their hard work. 

This would be a good party, a celebration for Ron. They would have a good night. Nothing could go wrong.

(haha yeah right)

Harry woke up the next morning as soon as the sun was in the sky. He got ready for the day, preparing himself for a long day of fun with his two best friends.

He found Ron and Hermon in the common room. Ron was smiling, wearing a pointy party hat on top of his red hair. Hermione had her arms wrapped around his waist in a strong hug. Harry waited for them to part before he walked up to them.

“Hey, Ron! Happy birthday, man!” Harry smiled, hugging the other boy.

Ron returned the hug with a laugh. “Thanks, Harry. We got any plans today?”

“Whatever you want to do, Ron, it is your day, after all,” Hermione answered.

Ron’s smile grew if that was possible. He hooked his arms through Hermiones and Harrys, each of them on one side, and started dragging them out of the common room.

“Breakfast, then!” Ron yelled, pulling them along. The three of them laughed, their smiles stretched from ear to ear.

After a large breakfast, the trio followed Ron out to Hogsmeade. They traveled around the shops, buying Ron candies and other things that he pointed out. Their smiles never faded, cracking jokes and laughing loudly through the small town, reliving their good memories from this place.

Nearing the end of the day, their faces hurt from smiling so much. Their stomachs hurt from laughing.

It was a great way to spend Ron’s birthday.

Hermione split from the boys, excusing herself to use the bathroom and freshen up. She went to the room of requirements to set up the party.

Harry brought Ron to the common room and stalled for a while. When Ron got restless and started asking where Hermione was, Harry told him to go change so they could go out for dinner.

Ron was confused but went to change into something a bit nicer. Harry followed suit, dressing in black tight-fitting slacks and a maroon button-up. Adding chains to his belt loops and around his neck. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to fix the mess, but of course, it didn’t work.

He met Ron, who had dressed up in dark jeans and a dark orange sweater over a white collared shirt. He looked nice, a smile still plastered on his face.

“Where are we going?” Ron asked when he spotted Harry.

“Oh, just for drinks,” Harry said since they had eaten not long ago. “But we have to make a stop first.”

Ron didn’t question it and followed Harry down the long corridor. They turned the corner to the Room of requirements entrance. Harry stopped by the door.

"Harry, what are we doing here?” Ron asked, clearly confused by their location.

"I, uh, left something in here earlier,” Harry said loudly so Hermione could hear through the door. He waited a few seconds then opened the door.

The room was dark, Ron walked in behind Harry and looked around.

“What did you-“ Ron started to ask but was cut off by shouting.

“Surprise!”

“Happy birthday!”

A chorus of shouts rang out through the room as the lights flicked on. Ron's hands flew to his face, covering his blush as he laughed.

All of the 8th year Gryffindors were here, his friends for the years past. He greeted them all with smiles and hugs. Hermione was in the back, he ran to her and wrapped her in a hug, kissing her passionately.

“Did you plan this?” He asked laughing.

“Harry and I, yes!” Hermione answered, kissing her boyfriend's cheek.

Ron pulled Harry into a group hug, kissing his cheek and then Hermione's. 

“You guys are the best,” he said, giving them another squeeze. “Now let's get this party started!” He shouted. Everyone cheered and Hermione started the music and turned on color-changing lights. 

Drinks were passed around, everyone danced together, laughing and smiling the whole time.

They started a drinking game. Harry was nervous to join, but Ron pressured him to, and being his best friend's birthday, he complied.

And he got wasted.

Seamus and Dean began pouring shots early on, challenging everyone to drink as much as they could.

Harry had been staying back, his first drink still in hand, sipping it occasionally. 

Seamus approached him, clearly drunk himself, and pulled Harry to the drink table. 

“Take a shot, ‘Arry,” he slurred, throwing an arm over his shoulder.

“No thanks, man,”

“Awww, come on, Harry! Take a shot!”

Harry glanced around for help but heard a new voice next to him.

“Harry, mate! Drink with us!” Ron shouted from next to him. He was drunk as well, a cup empty in his hand.

Hermione was next to Ron, her drink in hand. She smiled at Harry, her cheeks flushed red from the drinks.

“It won't hurt to have a few, Harry,” Hermione said, clearly forgetting his situation.

Ron pleaded with him, saying it was his birthday and he wanted Harry to have fun.

Harry caved.

He had a few shots with Ron, some with Seamus, and a few with Dean. Then Ron suggested they do a drinking race.

He was giggling the whole time, Dean and Seamus agreed immediately, and Harry joined in warily. 

They filled their cups to the brim and asked Hermione to count them down.

“Alright,” Hermione said between giggles. “3, 2, 1, go!”

The boys started to drink from the tall glasses. Seamus finished first, the Ron and Dean. Harry was last.

The boys laughed at him, even though he had only lost by a second.

“Oh, Harry, I thought you were better than that!” Ron laughed loudly.

“We should give him a punishment,” Seamus said.

The other agreed with shouts and Harry groaned, knowing that he had already had too much to drink.

Dean poured five shots and set them in front of harry.

“Drink up.” He smirked.

And Harry did.

God, this wasn’t going as planned.

Harry had enough alcohol to pass out at this point. But enough common sense to know that he should go back to the common room.

He said his goodbyes, taking one last shot with Ron, and started the slow walk back to the dorms. 

He stumbled through the hall, using the wall to keep himself standing.

Once he got to the common room, he stumbled down the stairs and towards the small couch.

A head popped up over the back of the couch, blonde hair moved in to Harry’s vision.

“Draco?” Harry smiles while he moves towards the couch. Draco shifted to look in his direction, confused when he saw Harry's state.

His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned. One of his pant legs was rolled up to his shin.

Harry collapsed on the couch next to Draco, throwing his legs over the armrest. His head landed on Draco’s lap on top of the papers he had been looking over. 

“Draco!” Harry said happily, his smile was lopsided but wide. “I just had the best night.”

Draco smiled at the boy in his lap. They were alone, it couldn’t hurt to talk for a bit. “Yeah?”

“Oh my gosh, yeah! Ron’s birthday party with the other Gryffindors was so much fun!” Harry explained to Draco. 

“Mhm?” Draco hummed, his hand dropping into Harry’s hair.

Harry rolled over and held himself up on his elbows, looking up at Draco. 

“Dray,” Harry said, using the nickname he had given him that first party night. “I lost a drinking competition.”

Harry frowned at that. His pout was cute.

Harry continued babbling about the party, his head was back in Draco’s lap and Draco was running his fingers through Harry’s soft hair.

After a few minutes, Harry yawned.

“Harry, you’re drunk, you should go to bed.”

“‘M not drunk!” Harry denied. “I’m just… a little tipsy.” He giggled.

“Harry, come on, I’ll bring you upstairs.”

“Dray,” Harry complained as the shorter boy pulled him off the couch.

He wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist and started to walk with him. Harry continued to complain while Draco dragged him up the stairs and into his bedroom.

“Dray~, I wish you had been at the party,” Harry slurred. “It was so much fun.” Harry smiled, his head fell onto Draco’s shoulder.

Draco couldn’t help but smile. Harry had his eyes closed, walking slowly along with Draco. His lips were formed in a soft smile. He was cute, Draco let himself notice it.

They got to Harry’s room and Draco walked him to the bed.

Harry went to lay down, Draco’s arms still wrapped around him, and pulled the shorter boy down with him.

“Harry, let me up,” Draco whispers.

Harry snuggles into Draco’s chest, wrapping his arms around the blonde. 

“No,” Harry hums. “Stay.”

Draco was tired and Harry was warm. He let himself relax into the taller boy's arms. His cheek pressed against Harry’s soft hair, breathing in slowly. 

He smiled, wishing that they could do this all the time. They fit together, even if the world hated them, it was true.

They fell asleep like that, cuddled together in Harry’s bed, happy and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thanks for reading!  
> I will be taking a break from this story for 2 or 3 weeks, like I said I’ve just been really unmotivated.  
> I might work on some one shots or short stories in the meantime, so look out for those if you’d like.  
> Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a bunch!!


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